conversations

내 생일 소원

2010-08-23T02:42:00.003+08:00

I can only wish you'll greet me on Wednesday ... T__T

Stick House

2010-07-12T11:55:00.009+08:00

I remember eating something EXACTLY like this with mom and Dado at SM North once, way back last March. They were gelato in sticks, if I am correct. Dado had the strawberry-mango sorbet, which, much to my envy, was tropically-ish tasty. Mom and I spoiled our sweet teeth with choco-gianduia gourmet for her and milk cream with chocolate swirls for me :)

And oh my. It's been getting hot here in UP lately... I sure want some of that goodness in a stick - all pretty and cold and magical.

And I sure miss hanging out with these two of my awesome peeps. ♥

*awesome color coordination between two pictures, by the way ^_^

Kamsahamnida, Dae Yang

2010-07-12T03:27:00.004+08:00

Okay, so this is what happened.

Dado and I followed the letter that Ate Guard, for some weird reason, did NOT accept in Yakal. Of course the reason was most probably because Dado isn't a resident there anymore. But we both found it absurd because mails for graduates used to be received there. Turns out Ate was the only one in Yakal who thought of returning the package all the way back to Iloilo, because the others would normally just smile and welcome all boxes and plastics and envelopes the delivery guy merrily brings.

And so Dado and I ended up chasing his letter to LBC Kalayaan Avenue this afternoon. It was around 2:30pm and we haven't eaten lunch yet. So, along its lengthy street, we spotted some Korean restaurants. And, out of his impulsive little self, suggested that we eat lunch at one of them. I was hesitant, of course, since number one, I had no idea how their food tasted (other than what is available in Mashitta in SC), and number two, I expected it to be expensive.

I guess none of us listened to that little screaming voice in me because we both decided, after finally getting his letter, to give it a shot. The nearest resto was this place called 대양 (Dae Yang).

Of course, my number two reason for hesitation indeed proved to be worthy of its label. But then again, we both got excited to try something new anyway. Then... yes. You are so deym right. There was a grill on our table! And oh man, was I excited to put some raw meat on it and savor all the meaty goodness! Unfortunately though, using it required more people (more people = more money = more mouths) so it can actually be financially reasonable. And since it was impulsive, Dado and I thought we can settle for something less expensive. He got this spicy pork dish that was difficult to pronounce, while I ordered this:

The 불고기 (Bulgogi)! Hurrah! And each of our meals even had 김치 (kimchi), egg rolls, rice, and a free glass of iced tea. C'mon. Who doesn't want free iced tea with 김치 (kimchi) and egg rolls and rice??

MOREover, we were given three more side dishes, one of which was something like mashed-potato salad, the other was leafy and green but yummy (probably the 나물, Namul), while the other, as Dado would like to put it, was "Korean achara". Plus! They even served us with 미역국 (Miyeok guk), the seaweed soup! Yes. ZE seaweed soup that Super Junior enjoys so much on special occasions, as I see it in their show, Full House. Maaaan! Can you imagine me all jumpy and smiling and stuff? Haha. Dado was excited, too, of course, though I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with Super Junior. Just the perfect combination of his growling stomach and the new dishes in front of him, all smoking at the same time.

And so everything tasted awesome. Except for the kimchi, though. I don't know why other people go gaga over it, and I don't. Eeeeek. Perhaps next time, when Donghae makes it for me. :)

In the middle of our meal, we were tonged with a damped clean towel each. Dado and I ended up staring blankly at each other, and making fun of it afterwards (e.g. attempting to rub them on our faces or armpits). Later on, we figured out (with confirmation from Ate), it was for our hands. Cooool huh.

Then we wrote on their "freedom wall", only that you are actually to write on an actual wall. Almost everything scribbled there was in Hangul... and so, we joined in, why not. I taught Dado how to write his name in Hangul (다도) so we can both write our Hangul names on the wall (the Hangul for "Jet" was intelligently guessed). And so we did! We wrote down the date today, too, July 11, 2010. Yeeey!! :)

Cheers for the new experience in Korean dining! We are so going to try this with more friends next time:

감사합니다 대양! 화이팅! Thank you Dae Yang! Fighting! ^_^

CoffeeCUPcake

2010-07-12T01:37:00.003+08:00

This is how the breakfasts I've been having lately look like: a coffee cup and a cupcake. :)

Too bad I already gobbled up the last piece of my Regent lemon cake this morning before I went to church. A mouthful of lemon in a bite of cake! Yeah, I know. Doesn't really sound so appetizing, but, oh, it really is!

And bananas aren't really the type of fruits I need for my bowels (sorry! had to say that!) right now so I'mma kinda say no to them. Oh, but I love bananas though.

Awww, I am going to miss this... until I buy my next cupcake! For now, I'm good with my coffee. Love love!

Bipolarity ^_^

2010-07-12T01:30:00.002+08:00

I just realized how I just get to blog when I'm all melancholic and emo. Booooo!

I guess I might just change that now. Hurrah to a real blog! I hope I can express myself here, the way how I want it to be. This is weird. To think that this already my nth entry.

Oh well, it feels like something new's going to start anyway. So hurrah again for the blog rebirth! :)

Okay, so back to my study of Homogeneous Processes on Chemical Reaction Engineering II.

Start of the Seemingly Never-Ending

2010-07-08T17:13:00.003+08:00

I have long feared for this time to come... And now, the first of the numerous will start officially, right after I make my coffee after I click the "Publish Post" button.

This is history, baby! Haha! And I'mma remember today, the start of the seemingly never-ending. The Lord will sustain me, and I'm excited for that. Please pray with me! ♥ So goodbye for now Facebook. And hello, dearly beloved.

Thesis Mode: ON. x__O

Tagged

2010-07-08T00:08:00.002+08:00

To say that I appreciate the Bible is an understatement of my reverent awe and sheer astonishment of its historicity and its power. I am blessed to have a personal relationship with the God who continually wants [to] and does reveal Himself, as is evident in everything that the Bible has gone through for ages.

It was just one morning spent reflecting on the previous night's message in the fellowship by an ate. With the Lord's grace, her passion for the Word was so evident that it consumed us all in SCF at that time. I was filled with joy and amazement after knowing how the Bible has come to where and how it is now... for making known to us the wonders of the God-breathed artifacts! And it was all made possible by the Sovereign God, powerful and mighty, and yet, wants to reveal Himself to His people. I thank Him for making me one of them. :)

I then posted this as a status message in Facebook, and felt like no words can ever express how joyful and how blessed I was of these realizations and knowledge. I praise God for allowing and providing me with words so I can express myself in a way that people can really understand how I felt, and at the same time, allow them to realize and experience it, too.

It was until a few minutes later that I was "notified" by Facebook that I was tagged in a post of Philippine Bible Society. And voila! I saw my status message posted in their "fan" page.

Truly, let the Lord's Word be spread, and may we all just continue to have emanating passion in us, as powered by the Holy Spirit. To God be the glory!

Philippine Bible Society Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/notifications.php#!/pages/Philippine-Bible-Society/124439419758

My Facebook Status Message:
http://www.facebook.com/notifications.php#!/jet.penuela?v=wall&story_fbid=130413580327619

Weird, Thus Normal

2010-07-02T10:32:00.003+08:00

Six weird (and hopefully interesting) things about myself …

It was much harder than I thought it would be, considering that I enjoy talking about myself, and that I think I have a lot of weird hobbies and mood swings ongoing in my life. I honestly had to ask my best friend about this, while we were strolling our way to dinner one evening along the muggy asphalted Magsaysay Street in UP.

We both have come up with a lot more than six weird facts, actually, though it took us several pre-dinner walks, and during- and post-dinner conversations to have the long list finally be cut into just six things.

The first thing would have to be my tendencies with the extremes – and by that I mean, being obsessive-compulsive in one given situation and being scatter-brained in another; being full of energy while everyone has none and having none when everyone is ready to party; hysterically laughing out loudly one minute and generously pouring my tears out on the next; or being my happy-go-lucky active in a class and being a shy, pathetic loser loner in another. Yes, people, call me anyway you know how – crazy, abnormal, bipolar ... or weird, which is precisely the simple reason why I made it my first fact. (If you’re interested with the explanation why I’m being, however you want to call it – crazy, abnormal, bipolar or weird – then you’d have to know about the Four Temperaments: the Sanguine, the Phlegmatic, the Melancholic and the Choleric. It’s going to be another long story if I’d have to write everything here. But to get to the point, I’m Sanguine-Melancholic, and this combination is quite a mix-up, as in putting-a-test-tube-of-a-loud-mouthed-comedian-to-a-depressed-and-ragged-artist-in-a-beaker-and-you-have-a-successful-slash-cool-experiment-kind of mix-up.)

The second weird fact about me shows my writing side and my deep passion for it. I have this tendency to, whether in conversations or just in my thinking or listening modes, write random words either on the air or on a nearby surface – be it a table or my leg. The words are not really purely random. Of course, the words I “imaginatively" write are in my conversations or in my thoughts. Interestingly, I found out some n years ago (where n is probably half my age now) that it is genetic. I mean, not genetic as in the unusual-disease-in-the-family kind, but the I-got-it-from-my-mom one. There was one time when we were lying on the bed, chatting, when I noticed her pointing finger restlessly scratching the purple pillow. It was then I realized she was doing what I was doing – scribbling down random words she just heard! Only that my version of doing it, that moment, was on the air.

The next weird thing would have to be my interesting and intriguing proneness to imitate people I can and want to imitate. My victims are usually characters – female figures – in the television, like in commercials or soap operas and the like. I have this memory card and a sensor of some sort somewhere inside me that I get to surprisingly remember lines, accents and emotions (vocal and facial) when I watch the TV, and of course, re-enact them afterwards. Perhaps it also has something to do with the way I tell stories or just ordinary happenings during the day – almost always in full detail, with almost the exact dialogue, gestures and facial expressions. Sometimes I even–what? What are you saying? Hollywood? Uh, no, thank you. Studies first. (Haha, kiddin’.)

The next weird fact about me is that I love sweets. Yes, it’s not weird because no, that’s not it yet. Since I love sweets so much, I enjoy every chocolate-y molecule that comes in friction with my tongue and with my teeth. Whenever I eat chocolates, I unconsciously eat it slowly and gradually. With a Snickers bar, I cannot finish it in just 5 minutes because I just take an itsy bitsy bite of it each 30 seconds or so. Believe it or not, I finish Hershey’s kisses in at least two nibbles. I just think that each of these chocolate-y molecules are too precious and orgasmic to savor with just one large bite. I get the point of some people that they find chocolates too irresistible to have it stay outside your tummy for long. Well, I don’t know what it is with me, actually, which is why I think it’s weird.

The fifth weird thing actually just purely came from my best friend’s observations. He said that I can have a number of thoughts and deductions from each thought in a matter of seconds. Boy, do I think fast! He must have concluded it from my ranting and occasional emotional outbursts. He also said that I could digest and formulate two different ideas at a time. To put it more simply, he said that I can digest what he’s talking and think of a different idea at the same time. Crap. I must have been opening new topics sometimes whenever he’s just done telling me something. According to him, I have digested the information he conveys, though not fully, of course.

Finally, we’re down to the last weird something-a-majig about me. I think this one’s really meant to be my grand finale. I don’t know if it’s weird but it does sound kind of interesting to me, that no other person (other than my family) has ever heard me release my flatulence. Yes, you of little faith, I am quite sure of the idea that no one has heard me fart. You see, somehow when there are people around, I kind of unintentionally hold it back so it can be gradually released so as to minimize the intensity of its sound. Okay, I guess I should stop right now before I relay too much information about my sulferrated hydrogen-emanating random-motioned particle collection.

That was it – those were the six weird things my best friend and I have thought of. I am pretty certain each person has his or her own weird interests, talents and ways. In fact, it will be quite weird for one to not have anything weird about his or her self. I guess being weird makes us normal after all.

*last online-submitted activity in our CW10 class, 2nd sem AY 2008-2009; uploaded December 15, 2008, 3:29PM

12:22 am, June 10, 2010

2010-06-11T09:41:00.003+08:00

I was awakened by some outrageously ridiculous noise, which I thought were just one of those drunken, adrenaline-rushed jejune nights by fratmen. It turned out to have came with the panicky red and blue lights from several firetrucks and an ambulance just outside the dormitory.

The UP Diliman Chemistry Pavillion was in flames.

Second 4 AM Moment

2010-04-06T03:46:00.005+08:00

I am personally blessed by the love of a sister. She looks beyond my own desires and chooses to feel my pain, my hurts, and shares with me my tears.

I am very thankful to God for giving me people in my life ... people like her. It was one of the few times that I have really felt one's love for me, and I knew that it was because of her love for the Lord.

She was concerned of how I actually am, rather than how I think I am - which is someone I need at times like these, when I am too blinded, too focused on people around me, and fail to check on myself.

Mere words fail me in my desire to express my sincere gratitude for her, which is why I will not further try to look for the supercalifragilistics that can meet the overflow of my emotions. But I know she knows how grateful I am for her, for today. And I am making my mark in the cyberworld so I will always remember how special I am to her, and of course, she is to me.

Nine of Twenty-Six

2010-04-05T17:24:00.004+08:00

Such strong words. Those from your text message ... they told me so much about us. Thank you. :) Let us continue to allow God to work in our friendship. ♥

Easter Egg

2010-04-04T10:22:00.002+08:00

I rejoice for today, I celebrate the victory of my Lord - His victory over sin, over death, over the little old me. It's quite humbling actually, how Jesus chose to suffer, bleed and die for my sins. However, contrary to where most people dwell on, the Lord has conquered all these.

Pastor Bel's words during the message a while ago at the Sunrise Service of DCBC, struck me - Christ's suffering and death was what we did to Him; while His resurrection was what God did to Him. It also serves as a great reminder for me, of God's promise, that as His children we will be able to conquer sin and death because He already did so. It encourages me, that the Creator of heaven and earth promises victory over death ... how much more all the specks of hardships that come along our way?

So why an easter egg?

Apart from the which-comes-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg discussions, an egg is something I consider to be basic, as in the origin, the alpha of something. Come to think of it, it could be the end of something, too, considering the which-comes-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg argument. From an egg, you can have a multitude of possibilities to which it would grow to - a feathery, bipedal, warm-blooded vertebrate, or a scaly one, or an arthropod with chitinous exoskeleton, or even a human being. In short, an egg can actually mean life ... a start of it, to be more specific.

So again, why an easter egg?

Christ's resurrection was the proof that Jesus was God. It is the source of our confidence in His power to save us from our sins, as Christians. As what Pastor Bel pointed out earlier during the service, Jesus' death and resurrection are both equally important to the Christian faith. A question that can lead to choosing between the two would make it a wrong one. Either the person asking is just plain curious, ignorant, or he is setting you up to check your doctrine, as what Pastor Bel did to us. (Good thing I was confident with my answer. ^_^)

It is during easter that we greatly rejoice as Christians, more than Christmas, I suppose. We are reminded today that the faith we have in our Lord Jesus is true and not in vain, and that we look forward to His promise of an eternal life with Him.

So why an easter egg?

Easter symbolizes the start of a new beginning for the Christian - a beginning where all of the old self has been crucified with Christ on the cross, and a new self rises with Christ from the tomb. Jesus is alive. And we will be, too, when everything in this fleeting world of ours is dead and gone.

Oh how I delight in today's celebration, for I am reminded of how I have grown from an egg, to a Christian, assured of eternity with God and with His family, all because of His great love for me, and His great power over all things.

I praise God I am an easter egg, after all. Amen.

Actively Wait

2010-04-01T03:29:00.005+08:00

As in do things other than wait for his heart and his mind to suck up the 10-week stench of this garbage dump of a situation we have ... which I'm sure the Lord, in His perfect time, will turn into precious treasure.

Ambiguity

2009-01-25T22:14:00.005+08:00

I don't care.
If it's not clear for all of you.
All I that matters is ...

... It's clear between us.

Text Message

2009-01-22T02:00:00.002+08:00

People here in the classroom are awfully noisy, blabbering in loud, boastful voices ... bla de bla de booing about whatever. And I'm scared of her, for possibly hating me more. She hasn't arrived yet.

ChE 131 1LE

2009-01-14T01:38:00.005+08:00

An hour before the examination ends and I scribble a letter on my scratch paper.

Dear yellow pad,

Wala na ko may masabat.
My brain is tired ...
Extracted until dry.
No, wait.
Placed inside the microwave for 15 minutes, served with juices evaporated.
It just did some triathlon - jogged, pedaled, swam - around the acad oval.
I'm sorry, dear ChE131 exam. I cannot meet your thermodynamic and mathematically integrative demands. I am full of moments and couples and forces and equilibria from my terrible, terrible exam yesterday.
I'm sorry yellow pad, for having to rant on you.
I'll get back to my exam now, see if I can still do some outragingly wild guesses on it.
Rawr.
I am this close [insert hand gesture here] to passing my paper unfinished.

After a few moments, I then realized I was staring into space, nothing left in my mind to write on my answer sheet. I tapped my pen's ball on my scratch, looking around the room and seeing people busy with either their calculator, pen, hair strands or with the space around them, making the room ... so ... spacious.

(I checked out my paper and managed to scribble some differential equations and equal signs and boxed final answers.)

30 minutes left ...

... and I seriously have nothing more to write.

The paper was passed unfinished. Oh well.

A Supposed Impulsive Post

2008-09-23T01:18:00.004+08:00

As the title is already obvious about it, I was supposed to post an impulsive entry last night. Yes, God was able to talk to me first and heal my emotional wounds before I could rant here online. Hindi Niya ako pinaabot ng net kagabi.

As you, my dear reader, may have noticed, this post is far different from my previous posts. This one’s more conversational … more of like my “Mother’s Day Impasse” thing.

Dapat lip-ot lang ni siya. However, my mind keeps on rambling things and jamming them upon that part of the brain that makes you think before you do anything … more specifically, express ideas and emotions.

I honestly don’t know how I felt last night, or why I felt that way. Bigla na lang ako napa-rant sa laptop ko (which is now healed without much hassle, by the way, much gratitude to w4RL0CK and Dado). Bigla na lang ako na bad trip, and everything I was doing was affected. Ang hirap naman maging tao. A melancholic, to be more particular.

My sensitivity gradually kills me. And I don’t know why it does, why I felt that way. Help me understand all these, Lord. Help me understand my oh-so-pathetic self.

Again, my emotions were all raging up … nagpapatong-patong, nagkakagulo-gulo. And I really don’t like it. In fact, I despise it.

I praise God for calming me down. And I praise God for dealing with me a lot of things. I’m sorry guys, especially for those who are concerned and worried, if I cannot really specify anything. It was between me, my laptop, and my God.

I praise God for making me mature more and more each time. I just pray for those of my friends who are not yet spiritually mature enough, that the Lord may talk to them, and help them realize which things are worth their time – for example, stalking a non Christian over the net over having your quiet time? That’s one major problem we have there. Yup, a biggie. Note: not based on real-life situations (meaning no particular person or instance in mind).

This is why fellowships are important, so we may continue to pray for each other’s struggles, and be there for one another for comfort, for strength, for advice … of course, knowing first and foremost that our true source for all these is our gracious Father.

Owwwkaaaay … masyado na atang spontaneous ang entry na ‘to, that I don’t seem to filter what I write. Every time I think of something I immediately type them down. Okay. That was really random.

Anyway, I just posted so I can say I have updated my blog. I’m sorry, for my readers, kung hindi ko pa na-continue ‘yung story ko, which still has two of its parts to be written.

I thank you, also. Yes, you, my dear reader, for making an effort to know me more and in appreciating my thoughts and ideas. At least you get to read it … which can make me feel like you care or something. Haha. Again, apologies for my presently oh-so-pathetic self. :)

I also plan to post creative outbursts sometime. SOMETIME. And if I may want to. Bleh. :p This is it for now.

Indeed, all kinds of emotions pass – anger, infatuation, sorrow, etc. One thing I know is for sure – that the joy of having a God like Him who has saved us from what our sins can do, and who is forever gracious, will remain forever.

It is my prayer that whatever our emotions may be, this joy will dominate over the insignificant and passing ones.

Thank you for the reminder, Lord.

‘Til next time.

You know you love me.

Wait. Wrong line.

You know He loves you.

XOXO.

Southern Girl.

(That was lousy.)

Pluie, Pluie. Partez S'il Vous Plaît.

2008-07-27T13:30:00.008+08:00

Ulan.

Anong meron sa ulan at napapaisip ka … bigla ka lang malulungkot. O ‘di kaya’y, bigla ka lang masasaktan.

Ano ang meron sa ulan at napapaalala ka niya ng mga bagay na pilit mong kinakalimutan?

Ano ang meron sa kanya at parang gusto mong sumabay
… na umiyak.
… na malaglag na lang hanggang malakas mong matamaan ang lupa.
… na mag-ingay sa kalaliman ng iyong puso at isipan.

Ano ang meron sa ulan at napatext ako nang biglaan sa mga taong malapit sa akin?

Nakakatamad gumalaw …
Nakakatamad maligo’t magpaginaw.
Nakakatamad mag-isip.
Nakakatamad rumamdam.

Ayoko nang masaktan.

“Nandito lang Ako, anak.
Tutulungan kitang gumalaw nang hindi ka giniginaw.
Papakinggan ko ang mga iniisip at ang mga nararamdaman mo.
Hindi kita sasaktan.”

Ano ang meron sa ulan at nagiging mapayapa ang kalooban mo?
… kahit na nalungkot ka
… kahit na nasktan ka
… kahit na napapaisip ka
… patuloy ka pa ring nagmamahal at nagtitiwala.

May ulan dahil kailangan natin.
Pinapayagan ng Panginoon na umulan para mas kaya nating ikaligaya ang araw.
Ganun din sa araw – may araw, para matutunan nating ikaligaya ang ulan.

Kung walang ulan, walang bahaghari.

Salamat, Panginoon. Salamat sa ulan.

"My Advice to Her"

2008-07-27T09:26:00.005+08:00

Teach yourself to let go and stop expecting him to meet you halfway 'cause he will if he wants to. And he will if he knows how to. Don't bend backwards just to reach him when he deliberately puts a wall between the both of you. Let him learn how to break those walls in time. If he won't, then you don't deserve that. You're better off investing your time and emotions to someone who can nurture you back.

She and I

2008-07-27T02:28:00.008+08:00

July 23, 2008
2:29am
Room 218, Yakal Residence Hall

Why does she trust people so easily?

Why does she trust them with her thoughts, with her ideas, with her secrets … with her emotions?

Why can’t people mind their own business sometimes? Just when she thought things were already working out well … then it turns out to be just the beginning of her road to her doom. And it’s all because of people who can’t mind their own business sometimes.

They think they know, but they don’t.

Stress, hormones and struggles with one’s personal quiet times is not a good combination for a female human being. She becomes irritable, emotional, and irrational. Suddenly, people become so insensitive … it’s like everyone’s trying to purposely annoy her or make her drown in self-pity as they see her desperate and unreasonable … and overly sensitive?

But what if it wasn’t the hormones or the stress? What if people really WERE insensitive? What if people did see her as pathetically desperate and overly sensitive?

We all have little adjustments to do. For most women, controlling of emotions is one heck of a struggle. So, guys, please understand. We are doing our best to control these emotions. At least appreciate our efforts by stretching a bit of your patience and tact. Geez. Grow up.

They think they understand, but they don’t.

She doesn’t know how she feels now. Irritated? Definitely not angry. Angry is just too strong and harsh for an emotion. Disappointed, perhaps, by how her some trusted people can fail her at times when she needed them the most.

They think everything’s fine, but it’s not.

She thinks of others all the time. She cares about how they are, what they want, who they want to be with … She just likes being, as what the yellow book would describe her, self-sacrificing, especially if it involves her friends.

But, sometimes, it just hurts. And suddenly, she realized how unfair she has been to herself. And she begins to sulk and drown in self-pity as others don’t really care … or should she say, they haven’t really sensed her self-pity – or even her self-sacrifice – ever since?

And she drowns in self-pity over and over again …

Am I pathetic? Am I alone?

You think you are, my child … but you’re not.

temperament sentiment(s)

2008-05-15T23:27:00.014+08:00

WARNING: This post does not intend to offend anyone, particularly cholerics.

What is a Choleric?

A choleric is self-sufficient, independent, opinionated, hence, decisive. He DOES NOT vacillate under pressure of what others think. He is a born leader.

The choleric’s emotional nature is the least developed part of his temperament. He does not sympathize easily with others, nor does he naturally show or express compassion. He is SO optimistic, rarely anticipating failure.

(taken from Spirit-Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye)

Why am I being mistaken for a choleric? Is it because in some aspects, I am sure of my decisions? To be really honest, I cannot easily make decisions on my own. Unlike the Choleric, I am usually dependent on other people – on what they think, and on what they want. I still have this tendency to be egotistical, as what Sanguines are, and self-centered, as what Melancholies are, but definitely not self-sufficient. As what is obvious about my personality, I am a people-person. I enjoy company. I love people. I deal with them well … which is why I am Sanguine in the first place.

Emotional is what a choleric is least, which is contradicting to my Melancholy side. Okay, perhaps, cholerics can become emotional and all, but most of them I know rarely do get emotional. Expressing compassion may be a challenge for them, which is definitely not how I am.

SO optimistic? Me? C’mon. That’s one of the Sanguine’s good sides I haven’t acquired. It’s the Melancholy’s pessimism I have in me. Lately, though, I am not that pessimistic, and that’s because I grew spiritually, not because I became choleric.

I have to admit, I have choleric tendencies – like being bossy, demanding, voicing out what I think (which is something a SanMel may not surprisingly do). But this happens to only one person. However, because of God’s dealings with me, things may change when that person comes back from vacation. No, wait – things WILL change. I’mgoingtostopnowbeforeitalkofsomethingelseotherthanwhatiamsupposetobetalkingabouthere.

Also, is it because most of my friends are phlegmatic? That they seem to be under my power or something? And I am loud because of my Sanguine side, not because I am choleric.

Anyway … the important thing is, whatever our temperament may be, it is Spirit-controlled. This is the point of knowing it, actually – helping others and yourself understand others and yourself. Identifying your temperament helps you identify your strengths and weaknesses objectively, which will then enable us to “look to the Holy Spirit for his filling – to become the kind of person God wants [us] to be.” (LaHaye, 1994)

Let me get a portion from the book, which explains what a Spirit-filled temperament really is.

“The Holy Spirit-filled temperament does not have weaknesses; instead it has nine all-encompassing strengths. This is God’s resource for the human weaknesses that result from the Fall in the Garden of Eden.

Anyone filled with the Holy Spirit, whether Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, or Phlegmatic, is going to manifest these nine spiritual characteristics---called the ‘fruit of the Spirit’ in Galatians 5:22. Spirit-filled Christians will have their own natural strengths, maintaining their individuality, but they will not be dominated by their natural weaknesses. The nine characteristics of the Spirit can transform those weaknesses.”

These nine characteristics are love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and self-control (Galatians 5:22).

I think everyone has a bit of every temperament. Jet, having a bit of the choleric temperament, doesn’t make her a choleric. Not that there’s anything wrong with being one, it’s just that she just doesn’t agree with the idea. I am not choleric … I think. Yes, I think I am not. I think. No, I am not choleric.

I am on my way to a Spirit-filled Temperament, with prayers and knowledge of my Savior. This is my goal … it should be, of everyone. I admit, though, that it may take a long while before I reach this destination. Then again, with prayers and strength from Christ, I can be, in His time.

We are born with our temperaments. And what God wants us to be is to be effective Christians, living above all of our weaknesses (like anger, fear, depression, selfishness, worry, etc.).

I am proud to say I am a Sanguine-Melancholy, on the road to becoming Spirit-filled. To God be the glory!

P.S: The fact that I keep on confirming from people, whether I am a choleric or not, I think, is reason enough for me to say that I’m not choleric. :)

Mother's Day Impasse

2008-05-11T12:12:00.012+08:00

Tell me. How am I supposed to be feeling, now that it's mother's day?

Lonely: This is my first Mother's Day away from my family. I miss everyone at home, especially my mom. I wish I could've been there to celebrate it with them, and to be just beside her in person ... let her know how much she means to me, and how I'm sorry for all the stupid things I may have done in the past. My mom is the total package. She's a mom, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a counselor, a cooking instructor all wrapped in one. I cannot be mushy like this around her.

Angry: N/A

Scared: N/A

Crazy: Can you feel crazy? In that case, I always do.

Happy: This is my first Mother's Day away from my family. I miss everyone at home, especially my mom. I know I could've been there to celebrate this special day with them, but hey, there seems to be a way for everything. I can call her, make her an e-card, text her, chat with her at ym, email her, make her a friendster comment. These may not seem enough, compared to being in person with her ... but I guess it doesn't have to be Mother's Day for me to tell her I love her and how much she means to me. My mom is the total package. She's a mom, a sister, a friend, a teacher, a counselor, a cooking instructor all wrapped in one. And I'm proud of her! They're happy I'm here, so why shouldn't I be? I guess this should be another reason why I should give my best in my studies, huh.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Yeah, yeah. The answer is obvious. Although, of course, I still feel bad I can't be present at home. Even my subconscious reminded me how much I wanted to be home now. I woke up at around 6am, added a few things on my formal report on organic chemistry, and felt the need for sleep again after an hour. Then... I was in deep slumber for a couple more hours and...

I was in the airport with a few people. We were all going home to Bacolod for Mother's Day. Our flight was delayed because the PAL crew bullied the passengers. I can't be really specific about it. I was only told so. Bad PAL. Well, anyway, I called my mom to tell her of the flight delay.

Jet: Mom, na-delay flight ko
Mom: What?
Jet: Delayed flight ko.
Mom: Mapuli ka??? (You're coming home???)

It was only until that freaked-out line my mom gave did I realize I was not supposed to go home, realistically considering our class reporting and lab reports due Monday, and my exam on Tuesday. Weird.

Hmmm... I can already imagine. Our house must be smelling of vanilla, and that lemony filling, and that choco frosting for her chocolate cake. Or of melted cheese and crumbs and eggs being deep fried with the chicken for her cordon bleu (which I know she'll probably make if I was there, assuming all resources are available). Or of onions and garlic being sauteed for her fresh tomato sauce, of butter and milk for her mouth-watering white sauce - which she will mix and spread on her well-cooked spaghetti noddles.

This is making me hungry.

I love my mom! I want to tell the whole world :) Hmmm ... On second thought, maybe I can. Or, didn't I just do it?

Hi. Whoever you are. I want you to know I love my mom. Tell your friends, too.
*shake head*
This is going to freak everyone out.

Oh. Maybe this is a better idea:

Make a Smilebox free ecard

Happy Mother's Day Mom! You're the best-est. Rock on. ^^v

so it begins...

2008-05-09T23:24:00.006+08:00

Part 1: DECISIONS

Waking up in the morning is a decision everyone makes everyday. Shall I get up? Shall I sleep some more? Shall I stare into nothingness?

The battle between starting the day and extending the night was cut short as the big truck outside the house beeped as it backed up. Beep… beep… beep… The sound still painlessly stabs my chest. Childhood memories last longer than we think, I reminded myself.

I rolled to my other side, still clinging to the Venetian red cotton pillow she gave me on my sixth birthday… or was it the seventh? Ages. She always knew what I want – which things cheer me up… which ones don’t. Memories of her make me feel younger, bringing me back to the innocent past. It’s like a portal to a chasm in my mind – the one that has always been there and will forever just be. Hm. It still has her cucumber-melon scent on it. She still has that smile on her face. Pure innocence.

I was always the sarcastic one. Judgmental and sarcastic. I remember the time when I impatiently rolled my eyes as she cheerfully gave compliments to a classmate with – so I thought – ridiculous fashion sense. Looking back, she was right. Emily’s checkered vest went pretty well with her sunny yellow collared plain blouse that perfectly matched her green retro pants. You know… those pants that fit her bottoms tightly and gradually loosen up as they reach the ankles. Her red flashy earrings complemented her pants and matched her red heeled strappy sandals. It was a retro look… not highly appreciated by everyone in my generation but quite cool. Or is it?

Nevertheless, I know she was right. She was right again. She always was…

Everybody loved her back in high school. She was always the center of attention, the class clown, the energetic kid. She was always game for anything. Again, everybody loved her – girls, guys, even the teachers and staff members in school. Being the stereotypical "opposite" friend, I was the artistic one. I preferred writing down my thoughts, rather than speaking them out the way she does. I made sure I do not get any attention while she totally does the other way around. I carefully chose who my acquaintances were…and they were only limited to a few number – unlike her, she knew almost everyone in school.

The greatest difference of them all was that she enjoyed God. She loved Him, and adored Him. And I did not – much.

I remember the times when she used to constantly invite me to fellowships and to their worship services. Ever since she attended that camp, she said it had changed her life. Whatever that means, I know I don’t need to change my life. I believe in God. What’s the difference? He loves me – sufficient enough for me to live my life. I found it pointless, why she kept on convincing me to shift to her religion, even if she constantly denied that suspected motive.

Was I too closed-minded? Should have I tried accompanying her with these “fellowships” and “services” because she enjoyed being in them? Did I give her a hard time? Perhaps I did. I guess it wouldn’t have hurt if I tried listening to her….

Anyway, what’s the difference? Since she’s been gone, my life had an irregular time signature with a single tone in its chorus. No climax, no verses, no bridges, no refrains. Just the monotonous chorus, over and over again. Does this mean I need her God?

Oh well. Another dramatic start of a brand new day. If she were here, she would’ve said a prayer. Yeah…that would have been the first thing she had done. Talk to her Lord. Thank You, O Lord, for another day. May this day make me happy. Keep me safe from harm. May I do good things for others. May I look pretty today. Amen. Not bad. I can actually pray like them Christians…oh, which of course is something I definitely am.

Finally making a decision, I then walked out from under my crumpled white sheets. I stood lazily beside my bed, staring at the sheets. Hm. White. Innocence. I then smiled. It would be nice to visit her. It’s been almost a year – one ... long ... excruciating year…. I wonder how she is. Joyful, surely. Still full of life and energy. I stretched out my limbs, gave out a deep yawn and sighed. Good job. I grinned, proud of myself for making another decision before starting the day.

I’m visiting Debbie tomorrow.