Sweet Victory

It's official. I am now a graduate of BS Chemical Engineering from University of the Philippines - Diliman. To God be all glory!

This is such a sweet victory! And it's even more sweeter because it's a victory with Jesus. ♥

As A Chapter Closes ...

Oh wow.

It's been ages since I last made an entry to this blog. And oh my, do I have a lot of updates bottled up in me.

Yesterday (March 29) was the day I submitted my last (yes, as in super-duper-mega-over-lastest-of-the-extremely-last) requirement, hopefully, for my college life. And nothing can help me express the whole of my psyche more (that includes everything conscious and unconscious, right?) other than a humble sigh of praise for my Lord.

A few times, maybe three or four times, has it sunk in, that I'm already done. Most of the time, it hasn't. Or well, at least, not yet, now that my grades aren't still up. And there's still the slightest of a possibility that it still won't happen.

But nevertheless I'm grateful. Because I know that the Lord has sustained me through the 6 years I've spent in tumbling and crawling my way to get through college. And boy, was it a ride!

And I owe everything to my Lord. It's humbling to think that He has taught me a lot of things - me, a sinful human being, and Him, being the holy and gracious and powerful and Almighty Creator that He is. I have gone through a lot during college, and if I may enumerate: a terrible break up from an almost 5-year relationship, my parents separating, struggles with uncertainties, struggling with other people's struggles, the seemingly never-ending failing marks ... the list goes on.

I could have quit, you know. I could have given up or have gotten insane. But my faith in Christ saved me. My Lord has saved me, and is still continually doing so.

This is just one chapter in my life, about to reach its ending. But it doesn't end here, for another one is about to start. And the chapters go on and on and on until it's time for my Creator to take me home. But I have peace. And I can smile. Because I know I have nothing to worry about. The Lord has taken care of me. I am a living testimony of that. After 6 years, I'm stronger, I am more mature. I had been broken several times, just to be a little more whole again today. And the Lord will continue to take care of me for all the chapters that are still yet to be uncovered.

There's nothing really left to say other than a resounding song of praise to my Lord. For He alone deserves all the glory for everything that has happened, is happening, and will still do.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness;

come before him with joyful songs.

Know that the LORD is God.

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;

his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Psalm 100

As this chapter closes, to God be all glory!

(✿◠‿◠)

My Testimony: I Am Jet

I am Jet – currently a graduating student in the University of the Philippines – Diliman, loves the color purple, plays the guitar, a Christian. I love God because He first loved me. I am about to share the testimony of my life with you.

When you ask me who I was 6 years ago, I might have answered differently. I was a high school student, loved the color purple since then, and I thought I was a Christian. I was raised in a God-fearing Roman Catholic environment.

I really used to think I was perfect back then in grade school. Having a lot of friends, awesome grades, numerous admirers, being active in the student council, plus being a “good girl” both in school and at home, I thought my life was perfect.

I failed to see back then how my father was emotionally absent, and how it caused me to seek the love I’ve been longing from him in the wrong places.

And with regards to God, well, I might have told you I love God, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t know what it meant, and understood how strong and deep its demands are for me.

It was until sometime during my 3^rd year in high school when I was invited to a bible study in our school in Iloilo. I was interested in joining but a friend of mine who was a devout Roman Catholic stopped me and told me that it wasn’t for people in our “religion” to read the bible. And like Spongebob Squarepants who would say yes to situations that can get him into trouble, I thoughtlessly agreed with my friend to skip the bible study.

Pero ang amazing ni Lord, because when He wants to reveal Himself to you, talagang gagawin at gagawin niya yun. [But the Lord is so amazing, because when He wants to reveal Himself to you, He will really do it]

When I got home in Bacolod, I found out that my family has been attending a bible study as well! During that time our family was facing problems with my father, and how his alcohol drinking got so seriously out of hand that everything was just falling apart. His doctor was a Christian and invited the whole family to have a regular bible study with their pastor. So I asked my mom about what my friend told me, and smiled and encouraged me to search for the truth, for answers to my questions, to seek God myself through the bible, instead of just depending on others to tell me so.

So I started opening my mind a bit, listening to what the pastor was explaining about the bible. I found out a lot of things that I didn’t knew before, and caused me to be even more and more curious about this little brown book in front of me. I can’t say I became a Christian right then, but more of an “anti” of my religion back then.

Summer came and my mom invited me to this summer camp where youth from different bible churches in Bacolod were coming. I did not hesitate to go because I was excited to add more people to my cellphone phonebook and meet new friends. I met one counselor who asked me if I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I thought, “Kilala ko naman Siya [Well, I know Him]. I believe in Him as the Lord and Savior,” and said yes. Then she challenged me. “Kung totoong tinanggap mo na Siya as your Lord and Savior punta ka sa harap mamaya ha kapag tinawag kayo, [If you genuinely accepted Him as your Lord and Savior, go to the front later when you're called, okay?]” to which I replied, again a thoughtless, “Sure.”

Evening came and the pastor was already talking in front. I was honestly unable to listen to the things he was saying because I was so bothered with what the counselor has challenged me to do. Go up in front? Declare Jesus as Lord and Savior? I suddenly started to feel the weight of the decision I had to make, and finally everything just made perfect sense to me.

Jesus died on the cross in my place. He took all of my sins, and everyone’s sins with him to the cross and died a death that should have been mine. Accepting him as my Lord and Savior wasn’t just merely "believing” or “knowing” He is so, but actually living each moment of my life like I do “believe” and “know” He is my Savior. In other words, I had to commit my life to Him. I wanted to do so, but I was scared that I can’t please Him with my life. I knew right then and there, that when I say “yes” to him and do stand up in front, I will also be saying “no” and be turning my back against sin.

I knew that when I said yes to Jesus then, I had nothing to lose. In fact, I had everything to gain. Right then and there, I can embrace the beauty of an eternal life with Him in heaven. Right then and there, I can say yes to a life filled with hope and purpose. Then I asked myself, if I can’t make decision now, kelan pa [then, when]?

Then I just broke down into tears, knowing I was nothing compared to His majesty, knowing I was a sinner amidst His holiness, knowing I was weak and helpless in contrast to His power and strength. I felt so guilty of all of my sins, and for living my life for myself. I wasn’t perfect at all. The friends I had back in grade school were now gone, and worse, were even gossiping about me. The achievements I had back in grade school were senseless in high school. And the heck with admirers who give in to their desire of the physical, when I know I’m disgusting and hideous inside. I was never a good girl. I thought I was but I wasn’t. I was caught up in my waves of sins, and I know not one of any good thing I’ve done can save me from drowning – only Jesus can. And He was reaching out his hand to me all along. It was just me who refused to see it, and chose to continue drowning in sin.

So when the pastor invited people who accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior to come in front, I prayed, finally thoughtfully said yes to my Lord, and with my face all puffy and red from tears, stood up, and went in front. And I cried even harder as I fell to my knees in the beauty and holiness of my Lord Jesus Christ.

Now, I can’t say I’m perfect. But I know I’ll be when my Lord comes again. I can’t say I don’t sin anymore. But I know that a Counselor from my Lord is continually saving me from doing so and molding me to become like Jesus. I can’t say I don’t have any problems. In fact, I have a lot of them. But I know that my God is in control of my life, and moreover, He’s there to guide me, mold me and comfort me along the way.

Saying yes to Jesus was the best decision I made in my life. In fact, it is the best decision I make and will make for each and every day. And I know, if you ask anyone in this world, or even in this room, who genuinely and thoughtfully said yes to Jesus and is continually doing so, they would agree with me that there was no time I have regretted becoming a follower of Christ. He now controls my life, not me. And who wouldn’t want a sovereign and wise God to do so with one’s life?

Everything I’ve been through and still am going through have a purpose. And I know that it’s all for the glory of my amazing and glorious God. My Lord is gradually teaching me how to love my dad, despite of all his shortcomings, especially now that he and my mom are already separated for more than 2 years. I may not receive the love I long for from my biological father, but my Heavenly Father has it for me all along. And with this love He has for me, I am able to love Him, my father, and even the unlovable.

If you haven’t said yes to Jesus yet, I am challenging you the same thing that that counselor challenged me to do. You may not necessarily stand up and come in front, but I challenge you to seek Him, for in seeking Him that’s where you find Him. As what God said in Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

I challenge you to really think about it, that by saying no, you’re allowing yourself to miss a life of purpose, days filled with grace, and an eternally joyful life in heaven. I pray that you say a thoughtful yes to Jesus, not just today or on that day that you decide, but for each and every day you live.

So let me end by doing my introduction again.

I am Jet – currently a graduating student in the University of the Philippines – Diliman after 6 years, still loves the color purple, plays the guitar for the Lord, a proud and hopeful Christian. I love God because He first loved me. This is my testimony.J

내 생일 소원

I can only wish you'll greet me on Wednesday ... T__T

Stick House

I remember eating something EXACTLY like this with mom and Dado at SM North once, way back last March. They were gelato in sticks, if I am correct. Dado had the strawberry-mango sorbet, which, much to my envy, was tropically-ish tasty. Mom and I spoiled our sweet teeth with choco-gianduia gourmet for her and milk cream with chocolate swirls for me :)

And oh my. It's been getting hot here in UP lately... I sure want some of that goodness in a stick - all pretty and cold and magical.

And I sure miss hanging out with these two of my awesome peeps. ♥

*awesome color coordination between two pictures, by the way ^_^

Kamsahamnida, Dae Yang

Okay, so this is what happened.

Dado and I followed the letter that Ate Guard, for some weird reason, did NOT accept in Yakal. Of course the reason was most probably because Dado isn't a resident there anymore. But we both found it absurd because mails for graduates used to be received there. Turns out Ate was the only one in Yakal who thought of returning the package all the way back to Iloilo, because the others would normally just smile and welcome all boxes and plastics and envelopes the delivery guy merrily brings.

And so Dado and I ended up chasing his letter to LBC Kalayaan Avenue this afternoon. It was around 2:30pm and we haven't eaten lunch yet. So, along its lengthy street, we spotted some Korean restaurants. And, out of his impulsive little self, suggested that we eat lunch at one of them. I was hesitant, of course, since number one, I had no idea how their food tasted (other than what is available in Mashitta in SC), and number two, I expected it to be expensive.

I guess none of us listened to that little screaming voice in me because we both decided, after finally getting his letter, to give it a shot. The nearest resto was this place called 대양 (Dae Yang).

Of course, my number two reason for hesitation indeed proved to be worthy of its label. But then again, we both got excited to try something new anyway. Then... yes. You are so deym right. There was a grill on our table! And oh man, was I excited to put some raw meat on it and savor all the meaty goodness! Unfortunately though, using it required more people (more people = more money = more mouths) so it can actually be financially reasonable. And since it was impulsive, Dado and I thought we can settle for something less expensive. He got this spicy pork dish that was difficult to pronounce, while I ordered this:

The 불고기 (Bulgogi)! Hurrah! And each of our meals even had 김치 (kimchi), egg rolls, rice, and a free glass of iced tea. C'mon. Who doesn't want free iced tea with 김치 (kimchi) and egg rolls and rice??

MOREover, we were given three more side dishes, one of which was something like mashed-potato salad, the other was leafy and green but yummy (probably the 나물, Namul), while the other, as Dado would like to put it, was "Korean achara". Plus! They even served us with 미역국 (Miyeok guk), the seaweed soup! Yes. ZE seaweed soup that Super Junior enjoys so much on special occasions, as I see it in their show, Full House. Maaaan! Can you imagine me all jumpy and smiling and stuff? Haha. Dado was excited, too, of course, though I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with Super Junior. Just the perfect combination of his growling stomach and the new dishes in front of him, all smoking at the same time.

And so everything tasted awesome. Except for the kimchi, though. I don't know why other people go gaga over it, and I don't. Eeeeek. Perhaps next time, when Donghae makes it for me. :)

In the middle of our meal, we were tonged with a damped clean towel each. Dado and I ended up staring blankly at each other, and making fun of it afterwards (e.g. attempting to rub them on our faces or armpits). Later on, we figured out (with confirmation from Ate), it was for our hands. Cooool huh.

Then we wrote on their "freedom wall", only that you are actually to write on an actual wall. Almost everything scribbled there was in Hangul... and so, we joined in, why not. I taught Dado how to write his name in Hangul (다도) so we can both write our Hangul names on the wall (the Hangul for "Jet" was intelligently guessed). And so we did! We wrote down the date today, too, July 11, 2010. Yeeey!! :)

Cheers for the new experience in Korean dining! We are so going to try this with more friends next time:

감사합니다 대양! 화이팅! Thank you Dae Yang! Fighting! ^_^

CoffeeCUPcake

This is how the breakfasts I've been having lately look like: a coffee cup and a cupcake. :)

Too bad I already gobbled up the last piece of my Regent lemon cake this morning before I went to church. A mouthful of lemon in a bite of cake! Yeah, I know. Doesn't really sound so appetizing, but, oh, it really is!

And bananas aren't really the type of fruits I need for my bowels (sorry! had to say that!) right now so I'mma kinda say no to them. Oh, but I love bananas though.

Awww, I am going to miss this... until I buy my next cupcake! For now, I'm good with my coffee. Love love!

Bipolarity ^_^

I just realized how I just get to blog when I'm all melancholic and emo. Booooo!

I guess I might just change that now. Hurrah to a real blog! I hope I can express myself here, the way how I want it to be. This is weird. To think that this already my nth entry.

Oh well, it feels like something new's going to start anyway. So hurrah again for the blog rebirth! :)

Okay, so back to my study of Homogeneous Processes on Chemical Reaction Engineering II.

Start of the Seemingly Never-Ending

I have long feared for this time to come... And now, the first of the numerous will start officially, right after I make my coffee after I click the "Publish Post" button.

This is history, baby! Haha! And I'mma remember today, the start of the seemingly never-ending. The Lord will sustain me, and I'm excited for that. Please pray with me! ♥ So goodbye for now Facebook. And hello, dearly beloved.

Thesis Mode: ON. x__O

Tagged

To say that I appreciate the Bible is an understatement of my reverent awe and sheer astonishment of its historicity and its power. I am blessed to have a personal relationship with the God who continually wants [to] and does reveal Himself, as is evident in everything that the Bible has gone through for ages.

It was just one morning spent reflecting on the previous night's message in the fellowship by an ate. With the Lord's grace, her passion for the Word was so evident that it consumed us all in SCF at that time. I was filled with joy and amazement after knowing how the Bible has come to where and how it is now... for making known to us the wonders of the God-breathed artifacts! And it was all made possible by the Sovereign God, powerful and mighty, and yet, wants to reveal Himself to His people. I thank Him for making me one of them. :)

I then posted this as a status message in Facebook, and felt like no words can ever express how joyful and how blessed I was of these realizations and knowledge. I praise God for allowing and providing me with words so I can express myself in a way that people can really understand how I felt, and at the same time, allow them to realize and experience it, too.

It was until a few minutes later that I was "notified" by Facebook that I was tagged in a post of Philippine Bible Society. And voila! I saw my status message posted in their "fan" page.

Truly, let the Lord's Word be spread, and may we all just continue to have emanating passion in us, as powered by the Holy Spirit. To God be the glory!

Philippine Bible Society Fan Page:
http://www.facebook.com/notifications.php#!/pages/Philippine-Bible-Society/124439419758

My Facebook Status Message:
http://www.facebook.com/notifications.php#!/jet.penuela?v=wall&story_fbid=130413580327619

Weird, Thus Normal

Six weird (and hopefully interesting) things about myself …

It was much harder than I thought it would be, considering that I enjoy talking about myself, and that I think I have a lot of weird hobbies and mood swings ongoing in my life. I honestly had to ask my best friend about this, while we were strolling our way to dinner one evening along the muggy asphalted Magsaysay Street in UP.

We both have come up with a lot more than six weird facts, actually, though it took us several pre-dinner walks, and during- and post-dinner conversations to have the long list finally be cut into just six things.

The first thing would have to be my tendencies with the extremes – and by that I mean, being obsessive-compulsive in one given situation and being scatter-brained in another; being full of energy while everyone has none and having none when everyone is ready to party; hysterically laughing out loudly one minute and generously pouring my tears out on the next; or being my happy-go-lucky active in a class and being a shy, pathetic loser loner in another. Yes, people, call me anyway you know how – crazy, abnormal, bipolar ... or weird, which is precisely the simple reason why I made it my first fact. (If you’re interested with the explanation why I’m being, however you want to call it – crazy, abnormal, bipolar or weird – then you’d have to know about the Four Temperaments: the Sanguine, the Phlegmatic, the Melancholic and the Choleric. It’s going to be another long story if I’d have to write everything here. But to get to the point, I’m Sanguine-Melancholic, and this combination is quite a mix-up, as in putting-a-test-tube-of-a-loud-mouthed-comedian-to-a-depressed-and-ragged-artist-in-a-beaker-and-you-have-a-successful-slash-cool-experiment-kind of mix-up.)

The second weird fact about me shows my writing side and my deep passion for it. I have this tendency to, whether in conversations or just in my thinking or listening modes, write random words either on the air or on a nearby surface – be it a table or my leg. The words are not really purely random. Of course, the words I “imaginatively" write are in my conversations or in my thoughts. Interestingly, I found out some n years ago (where n is probably half my age now) that it is genetic. I mean, not genetic as in the unusual-disease-in-the-family kind, but the I-got-it-from-my-mom one. There was one time when we were lying on the bed, chatting, when I noticed her pointing finger restlessly scratching the purple pillow. It was then I realized she was doing what I was doing – scribbling down random words she just heard! Only that my version of doing it, that moment, was on the air.

The next weird thing would have to be my interesting and intriguing proneness to imitate people I can and want to imitate. My victims are usually characters – female figures – in the television, like in commercials or soap operas and the like. I have this memory card and a sensor of some sort somewhere inside me that I get to surprisingly remember lines, accents and emotions (vocal and facial) when I watch the TV, and of course, re-enact them afterwards. Perhaps it also has something to do with the way I tell stories or just ordinary happenings during the day – almost always in full detail, with almost the exact dialogue, gestures and facial expressions. Sometimes I even–what? What are you saying? Hollywood? Uh, no, thank you. Studies first. (Haha, kiddin’.)

The next weird fact about me is that I love sweets. Yes, it’s not weird because no, that’s not it yet. Since I love sweets so much, I enjoy every chocolate-y molecule that comes in friction with my tongue and with my teeth. Whenever I eat chocolates, I unconsciously eat it slowly and gradually. With a Snickers bar, I cannot finish it in just 5 minutes because I just take an itsy bitsy bite of it each 30 seconds or so. Believe it or not, I finish Hershey’s kisses in at least two nibbles. I just think that each of these chocolate-y molecules are too precious and orgasmic to savor with just one large bite. I get the point of some people that they find chocolates too irresistible to have it stay outside your tummy for long. Well, I don’t know what it is with me, actually, which is why I think it’s weird.

The fifth weird thing actually just purely came from my best friend’s observations. He said that I can have a number of thoughts and deductions from each thought in a matter of seconds. Boy, do I think fast! He must have concluded it from my ranting and occasional emotional outbursts. He also said that I could digest and formulate two different ideas at a time. To put it more simply, he said that I can digest what he’s talking and think of a different idea at the same time. Crap. I must have been opening new topics sometimes whenever he’s just done telling me something. According to him, I have digested the information he conveys, though not fully, of course.

Finally, we’re down to the last weird something-a-majig about me. I think this one’s really meant to be my grand finale. I don’t know if it’s weird but it does sound kind of interesting to me, that no other person (other than my family) has ever heard me release my flatulence. Yes, you of little faith, I am quite sure of the idea that no one has heard me fart. You see, somehow when there are people around, I kind of unintentionally hold it back so it can be gradually released so as to minimize the intensity of its sound. Okay, I guess I should stop right now before I relay too much information about my sulferrated hydrogen-emanating random-motioned particle collection.

That was it – those were the six weird things my best friend and I have thought of. I am pretty certain each person has his or her own weird interests, talents and ways. In fact, it will be quite weird for one to not have anything weird about his or her self. I guess being weird makes us normal after all.

*last online-submitted activity in our CW10 class, 2nd sem AY 2008-2009; uploaded December 15, 2008, 3:29PM

12:22 am, June 10, 2010

I was awakened by some outrageously ridiculous noise, which I thought were just one of those drunken, adrenaline-rushed jejune nights by fratmen. It turned out to have came with the panicky red and blue lights from several firetrucks and an ambulance just outside the dormitory.

The UP Diliman Chemistry Pavillion was in flames.

Second 4 AM Moment

I am personally blessed by the love of a sister. She looks beyond my own desires and chooses to feel my pain, my hurts, and shares with me my tears.

I am very thankful to God for giving me people in my life ... people like her. It was one of the few times that I have really felt one's love for me, and I knew that it was because of her love for the Lord.

She was concerned of how I actually am, rather than how I think I am - which is someone I need at times like these, when I am too blinded, too focused on people around me, and fail to check on myself.

Mere words fail me in my desire to express my sincere gratitude for her, which is why I will not further try to look for the supercalifragilistics that can meet the overflow of my emotions. But I know she knows how grateful I am for her, for today. And I am making my mark in the cyberworld so I will always remember how special I am to her, and of course, she is to me.

Nine of Twenty-Six

Such strong words. Those from your text message ... they told me so much about us. Thank you. :) Let us continue to allow God to work in our friendship. ♥

Easter Egg

I rejoice for today, I celebrate the victory of my Lord - His victory over sin, over death, over the little old me. It's quite humbling actually, how Jesus chose to suffer, bleed and die for my sins. However, contrary to where most people dwell on, the Lord has conquered all these.

Pastor Bel's words during the message a while ago at the Sunrise Service of DCBC, struck me - Christ's suffering and death was what we did to Him; while His resurrection was what God did to Him. It also serves as a great reminder for me, of God's promise, that as His children we will be able to conquer sin and death because He already did so. It encourages me, that the Creator of heaven and earth promises victory over death ... how much more all the specks of hardships that come along our way?

So why an easter egg?

Apart from the which-comes-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg discussions, an egg is something I consider to be basic, as in the origin, the alpha of something. Come to think of it, it could be the end of something, too, considering the which-comes-first-the-chicken-or-the-egg argument. From an egg, you can have a multitude of possibilities to which it would grow to - a feathery, bipedal, warm-blooded vertebrate, or a scaly one, or an arthropod with chitinous exoskeleton, or even a human being. In short, an egg can actually mean life ... a start of it, to be more specific.

So again, why an easter egg?

Christ's resurrection was the proof that Jesus was God. It is the source of our confidence in His power to save us from our sins, as Christians. As what Pastor Bel pointed out earlier during the service, Jesus' death and resurrection are both equally important to the Christian faith. A question that can lead to choosing between the two would make it a wrong one. Either the person asking is just plain curious, ignorant, or he is setting you up to check your doctrine, as what Pastor Bel did to us. (Good thing I was confident with my answer. ^_^)

It is during easter that we greatly rejoice as Christians, more than Christmas, I suppose. We are reminded today that the faith we have in our Lord Jesus is true and not in vain, and that we look forward to His promise of an eternal life with Him.

So why an easter egg?

Easter symbolizes the start of a new beginning for the Christian - a beginning where all of the old self has been crucified with Christ on the cross, and a new self rises with Christ from the tomb. Jesus is alive. And we will be, too, when everything in this fleeting world of ours is dead and gone.

Oh how I delight in today's celebration, for I am reminded of how I have grown from an egg, to a Christian, assured of eternity with God and with His family, all because of His great love for me, and His great power over all things.

I praise God I am an easter egg, after all. Amen.

Actively Wait

As in do things other than wait for his heart and his mind to suck up the 10-week stench of this garbage dump of a situation we have ... which I'm sure the Lord, in His perfect time, will turn into precious treasure.

Ambiguity

I don't care.
If it's not clear for all of you.
All I that matters is ...


... It's clear between us.

Text Message

People here in the classroom are awfully noisy, blabbering in loud, boastful voices ... bla de bla de booing about whatever. And I'm scared of her, for possibly hating me more. She hasn't arrived yet.

ChE 131 1LE

An hour before the examination ends and I scribble a letter on my scratch paper.

Dear yellow pad,

Wala na ko may masabat.
My brain is tired ...
Extracted until dry.
No, wait.
Placed inside the microwave for 15 minutes, served with juices evaporated.
It just did some triathlon - jogged, pedaled, swam - around the acad oval.
I'm sorry, dear ChE131 exam. I cannot meet your thermodynamic and mathematically integrative demands. I am full of moments and couples and forces and equilibria from my terrible, terrible exam yesterday.
I'm sorry yellow pad, for having to rant on you.
I'll get back to my exam now, see if I can still do some outragingly wild guesses on it.
Rawr.
I am this close [insert hand gesture here] to passing my paper unfinished.

After a few moments, I then realized I was staring into space, nothing left in my mind to write on my answer sheet. I tapped my pen's ball on my scratch, looking around the room and seeing people busy with either their calculator, pen, hair strands or with the space around them, making the room ... so ... spacious.

(I checked out my paper and managed to scribble some differential equations and equal signs and boxed final answers.)

30 minutes left ...

... and I seriously have nothing more to write.

The paper was passed unfinished. Oh well.

A Supposed Impulsive Post

As the title is already obvious about it, I was supposed to post an impulsive entry last night. Yes, God was able to talk to me first and heal my emotional wounds before I could rant here online. Hindi Niya ako pinaabot ng net kagabi.

As you, my dear reader, may have noticed, this post is far different from my previous posts. This one’s more conversational … more of like my “Mother’s Day Impasse” thing.

Dapat lip-ot lang ni siya. However, my mind keeps on rambling things and jamming them upon that part of the brain that makes you think before you do anything … more specifically, express ideas and emotions.

I honestly don’t know how I felt last night, or why I felt that way. Bigla na lang ako napa-rant sa laptop ko (which is now healed without much hassle, by the way, much gratitude to w4RL0CK and Dado). Bigla na lang ako na bad trip, and everything I was doing was affected. Ang hirap naman maging tao. A melancholic, to be more particular.

My sensitivity gradually kills me. And I don’t know why it does, why I felt that way. Help me understand all these, Lord. Help me understand my oh-so-pathetic self.

Again, my emotions were all raging up … nagpapatong-patong, nagkakagulo-gulo. And I really don’t like it. In fact, I despise it.

I praise God for calming me down. And I praise God for dealing with me a lot of things. I’m sorry guys, especially for those who are concerned and worried, if I cannot really specify anything. It was between me, my laptop, and my God.

I praise God for making me mature more and more each time. I just pray for those of my friends who are not yet spiritually mature enough, that the Lord may talk to them, and help them realize which things are worth their time – for example, stalking a non Christian over the net over having your quiet time? That’s one major problem we have there. Yup, a biggie. Note: not based on real-life situations (meaning no particular person or instance in mind).

This is why fellowships are important, so we may continue to pray for each other’s struggles, and be there for one another for comfort, for strength, for advice … of course, knowing first and foremost that our true source for all these is our gracious Father.

Owwwkaaaay … masyado na atang spontaneous ang entry na ‘to, that I don’t seem to filter what I write. Every time I think of something I immediately type them down. Okay. That was really random.

Anyway, I just posted so I can say I have updated my blog. I’m sorry, for my readers, kung hindi ko pa na-continue ‘yung story ko, which still has two of its parts to be written.

I thank you, also. Yes, you, my dear reader, for making an effort to know me more and in appreciating my thoughts and ideas. At least you get to read it … which can make me feel like you care or something. Haha. Again, apologies for my presently oh-so-pathetic self. :)

I also plan to post creative outbursts sometime. SOMETIME. And if I may want to. Bleh. :p This is it for now.

Indeed, all kinds of emotions pass – anger, infatuation, sorrow, etc. One thing I know is for sure – that the joy of having a God like Him who has saved us from what our sins can do, and who is forever gracious, will remain forever.

It is my prayer that whatever our emotions may be, this joy will dominate over the insignificant and passing ones.

Thank you for the reminder, Lord.

‘Til next time.

You know you love me.

Wait. Wrong line.

You know He loves you.

XOXO.

Southern Girl.

(That was lousy.)