I am Jet – currently a graduating student in the University of the Philippines – Diliman, loves the color purple, plays the guitar, a Christian. I love God because He first loved me. I am about to share the testimony of my life with you.
When you ask me who I was 6 years ago, I might have answered differently. I was a high school student, loved the color purple since then, and I thought I was a Christian. I was raised in a God-fearing Roman Catholic environment.
I really used to think I was perfect back then in grade school. Having a lot of friends, awesome grades, numerous admirers, being active in the student council, plus being a “good girl” both in school and at home, I thought my life was perfect.
I failed to see back then how my father was emotionally absent, and how it caused me to seek the love I’ve been longing from him in the wrong places.
And with regards to God, well, I might have told you I love God, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t know what it meant, and understood how strong and deep its demands are for me.
It was until sometime during my 3rd year in high school when I was invited to a bible study in our school in Iloilo. I was interested in joining but a friend of mine who was a devout Roman Catholic stopped me and told me that it wasn’t for people in our “religion” to read the bible. And like Spongebob Squarepants who would say yes to situations that can get him into trouble, I thoughtlessly agreed with my friend to skip the bible study.
Pero ang amazing ni Lord, because when He wants to reveal Himself to you, talagang gagawin at gagawin niya yun. [But the Lord is so amazing, because when He wants to reveal Himself to you, He will really do it]
When I got home in Bacolod, I found out that my family has been attending a bible study as well! During that time our family was facing problems with my father, and how his alcohol drinking got so seriously out of hand that everything was just falling apart. His doctor was a Christian and invited the whole family to have a regular bible study with their pastor. So I asked my mom about what my friend told me, and smiled and encouraged me to search for the truth, for answers to my questions, to seek God myself through the bible, instead of just depending on others to tell me so.
So I started opening my mind a bit, listening to what the pastor was explaining about the bible. I found out a lot of things that I didn’t knew before, and caused me to be even more and more curious about this little brown book in front of me. I can’t say I became a Christian right then, but more of an “anti” of my religion back then.
Summer came and my mom invited me to this summer camp where youth from different bible churches in Bacolod were coming. I did not hesitate to go because I was excited to add more people to my cellphone phonebook and meet new friends. I met one counselor who asked me if I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, and I thought, “Kilala ko naman Siya [Well, I know Him]. I believe in Him as the Lord and Savior,” and said yes. Then she challenged me. “Kung totoong tinanggap mo na Siya as your Lord and Savior punta ka sa harap mamaya ha kapag tinawag kayo, [If you genuinely accepted Him as your Lord and Savior, go to the front later when you're called, okay?]” to which I replied, again a thoughtless, “Sure.”
Evening came and the pastor was already talking in front. I was honestly unable to listen to the things he was saying because I was so bothered with what the counselor has challenged me to do. Go up in front? Declare Jesus as Lord and Savior? I suddenly started to feel the weight of the decision I had to make, and finally everything just made perfect sense to me.
Jesus died on the cross in my place. He took all of my sins, and everyone’s sins with him to the cross and died a death that should have been mine. Accepting him as my Lord and Savior wasn’t just merely "believing” or “knowing” He is so, but actually living each moment of my life like I do “believe” and “know” He is my Savior. In other words, I had to commit my life to Him. I wanted to do so, but I was scared that I can’t please Him with my life. I knew right then and there, that when I say “yes” to him and do stand up in front, I will also be saying “no” and be turning my back against sin.
I knew that when I said yes to Jesus then, I had nothing to lose. In fact, I had everything to gain. Right then and there, I can embrace the beauty of an eternal life with Him in heaven. Right then and there, I can say yes to a life filled with hope and purpose. Then I asked myself, if I can’t make decision now, kelan pa [then, when]?
Then I just broke down into tears, knowing I was nothing compared to His majesty, knowing I was a sinner amidst His holiness, knowing I was weak and helpless in contrast to His power and strength. I felt so guilty of all of my sins, and for living my life for myself. I wasn’t perfect at all. The friends I had back in grade school were now gone, and worse, were even gossiping about me. The achievements I had back in grade school were senseless in high school. And the heck with admirers who give in to their desire of the physical, when I know I’m disgusting and hideous inside. I was never a good girl. I thought I was but I wasn’t. I was caught up in my waves of sins, and I know not one of any good thing I’ve done can save me from drowning – only Jesus can. And He was reaching out his hand to me all along. It was just me who refused to see it, and chose to continue drowning in sin.
So when the pastor invited people who accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior to come in front, I prayed, finally thoughtfully said yes to my Lord, and with my face all puffy and red from tears, stood up, and went in front. And I cried even harder as I fell to my knees in the beauty and holiness of my Lord Jesus Christ.
Now, I can’t say I’m perfect. But I know I’ll be when my Lord comes again. I can’t say I don’t sin anymore. But I know that a Counselor from my Lord is continually saving me from doing so and molding me to become like Jesus. I can’t say I don’t have any problems. In fact, I have a lot of them. But I know that my God is in control of my life, and moreover, He’s there to guide me, mold me and comfort me along the way.
Saying yes to Jesus was the best decision I made in my life. In fact, it is the best decision I make and will make for each and every day. And I know, if you ask anyone in this world, or even in this room, who genuinely and thoughtfully said yes to Jesus and is continually doing so, they would agree with me that there was no time I have regretted becoming a follower of Christ. He now controls my life, not me. And who wouldn’t want a sovereign and wise God to do so with one’s life?
Everything I’ve been through and still am going through have a purpose. And I know that it’s all for the glory of my amazing and glorious God. My Lord is gradually teaching me how to love my dad, despite of all his shortcomings, especially now that he and my mom are already separated for more than 2 years. I may not receive the love I long for from my biological father, but my Heavenly Father has it for me all along. And with this love He has for me, I am able to love Him, my father, and even the unlovable.
If you haven’t said yes to Jesus yet, I am challenging you the same thing that that counselor challenged me to do. You may not necessarily stand up and come in front, but I challenge you to seek Him, for in seeking Him that’s where you find Him. As what God said in Jeremiah 29:13, “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”
I challenge you to really think about it, that by saying no, you’re allowing yourself to miss a life of purpose, days filled with grace, and an eternally joyful life in heaven. I pray that you say a thoughtful yes to Jesus, not just today or on that day that you decide, but for each and every day you live.
So let me end by doing my introduction again.
I am Jet – currently a graduating student in the University of the Philippines – Diliman after 6 years, still loves the color purple, plays the guitar for the Lord, a proud and hopeful Christian. I love God because He first loved me. This is my testimony.J
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